To Divorce or Not to Divorce

Nowadays it seems like divorce is the new fad and it's the only option people have when things between them are not working out. From a woman's perspective, I'm glad we do not live in our grandparents or great grandparents era where, at least in the middle east, it was a "suck it up" attitude. If a wife was not happy with her husband too bad she was stuck with him and the fact that she did not chose him was not even a justification as to why things were not working. You committed yourself to the man so now you deal with all the good and all the bad regardless. Thankfully, things have changed just like people's mentalities and arranged marriages are not in our futures, but that does not give us the right to use divorce as an "out" at any moment we choose.

Relationships nowadays are hard as is, just meeting someone who you actually have interests with whom you can get along with and enjoy their company is a bigger challenge than ever, so when I hear that the divorce rate is so high it really bothers me. Maybe it bothers me because my parents are divorced and I went through all the drama that comes with the divorce and I do not want kids to go through that, maybe it bothers me because I can not stand people who expect everything to work out on its own without them putting any effort into it or maybe it bothers me because I love love. Yes, I am the biggest cheerleader for love you will ever find. I think everyone in their life has to have that amazing, mad, passionate, "The world is mine" feeling because of someone and personally I will not allow any of my friends and loved to give up on it. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm a hopeless romantic but I am what I am and I love it! So it hurts me when I hear a couple is getting a divorce because I feel as though marriage has in some way, become similar to a sexy pair of shoes you have to have then after a season your tired of it and it's out of fashion and you stop wearing them and that's not what it is. Now I may be wrong because I'm not married and I know marriage is beyond hard work; trying to fit two personalities, two lifestyles, two lives into one is extremely difficult but that's what marriage is. It's about give and take, learning the other person's flaws and accepting them for who they are and not who you would like them to be, it's about learning to love their quirks and bad sides just as much as you love the good things and being able to deal with them. Marriage is about you and your other half becoming one and having that life partner to help you through the bad times and to celebrate with you during the good times. If you can not accept the idea of sharing your life, which includes your closet, refrigerator, tv, bed, space and everything  else you can think of, then you should not get married. If you feel as though there are things in your life that you have missed out on, partying, clubbing, getting sloshed and ending up on the floor in the middle of a club or whatever it is you wish to do, please get it all out of your system and then get married instead of having a mid-life crisis at the age of 32.

I know when we were younger everyone, including myself, had this plan of getting married by 24, kids by 26, along with a nice home, a great job and a wonderful husband and starting your life and creating your own family. Then it was our 24th birthday and we were like "What was I thinking? Married at 24? I'm just starting my life." So that plan went out the window and we all got a good reality check which showed us we can not plan everything in life, and we should let life take its course. Whatever God has planned for us will happen when it's supposed to happen. So instead of being married at a young age and possibly being unhappy in a marriage and part of the new divorce rate, because God knows I personally have changed a great deal between 24 and 29, we established our careers, learned about ourselves and are finally content with where we are in life. Granted, we could have been happily married as well, but it is what it is.

So throughout the years, as my friends and family get married it makes me realize how hard a marriage actually  is. All the give and take, the agreements and disagreements and the conforming which has to take place in order for a marriage to work is difficult and it takes two people who are on the same page to actually make it work. Look, in my opinion unless there is a major issue, such as one of the partners has a gambling issue or is an uncontrollable alcoholic or an extreme which affects you, your relationship and your family in a very negative way and that person is not doing anything about it, there is a solution to everything else. Cheating is a whole other story in itself, so we're not even going there; but with all that being said I think divorce should be the last resort. Every couple has issues and problems every couple has disagreements but  with both of you working together there is nothing you can not figure out. I think as long as the couple is on the same page and they understand and communicate properly, meaning they have verbal communication and they do not expect their significant other to read their mind, then there is nothing you can not handle. Understand where the other one is coming from, put yourself in their shoes, then see if you can find a middle ground and figure out a solution to the problem.  Go to couple's counseling, talk to a mutual friend whom you both trust to give you advice but do not give up easily. When there is love on both sides, there is nothing you would not do for the other and there is no problem you would not be able to solve together as a team; and that amazing "Over the moon" love is even harder to get rid of then it is to find. So divorce is not always the solution, it may, at one point, become the only solution, but its should be the last solution.

Love is amazing!!

P.S. The only thing more beautiful and wonderful than Young Love is Old Love

Just a Break or Break Up?

The words people dread hearing but one out of two say it anyways "We need a break" or "It's Over." The problem is when us women start over analyzing these words when we're not the ones who said it (which we do oh so well, including myself) and they become a bit confusing and/or misconstrued. Here is where it gets a little tricky.
The difference about men that women don't know or understand is that men are very simple, its either black or white, there is rarely any gray areas with men. What he thinks and feels comes straight out of his mouth, after it passes through a small filter, which we sometimes wish was bigger. An example of this is during the holidays he asks you "Babe what should I get you for Christmas?" You respond with "Nothing babe," but what you really mean is "Weren't you paying attention when I showed you that new purse when we were at the mall last week?" Honestly ladies, he probably didn't and you can't really blame him because that how men are wired and why you end up with a card or nothing during Christmas because you didn't want anything. Now us women, we over analyze a situation, we think about the consequences, hurting his feelings, we word our phrases accordingly and so forth; men don't do that because to them it's a waste of time. Their mentality is just say what you mean and life would be much easier, which in a sense is true, but were women and that is why we are supposed to be the "caretakers" and they are supposed to be the "bread winners".
With that being said, words being misinterpreted or misconstrued are inevitable, but it's worse when its a break up situation. If, assuming he's breaking up with you, he doesn't clearly explain what he wants, i.e. breaking up and says "We need a break" then if she texts or calls him at any point, she turns into the "Crazy, psychotic girlfriend who won't leave him alone," because according to her "They're on a break" and she still has hope they're getting back together, but what he meant was he wants to break up and that word game is what's difficult. One thing that every person should remember is that in a relationship, communication is key! It doesn't matter how many times you talk or text each other during the day, if you do not communicate clearly what you want him to understand and vice versa, then it's more than likely going to be misunderstood.
Breaking up, in general, is a difficult situation on both ends, because regardless of who is doing it, they may still care about the other person, they are just not in love with him/her. Now, I believe, age plays a very large role in this situation, let me explain why.
When you are in your early to mid 20's, having a boyfriend is not necessarily for your future. It may lead to something later on, but at that age you are having fun and still figuring out what you want in life and trying to figure out what makes you happy.  As we get older, women stop dating for fun as much as they used to and life turns into "Serious mode." Meaning, they are looking for a life partner, someone to have kids with and/or marry and God willing someone to spend the rest of their lives with. Now, when your 30 years old and you have been dating someone for a while and you think there's a future, then they suddenly he break up with you, that is not a situation where you two are taking a break. At that age, if you and/or your partner do not know what you want in your significant other, then that person needs to take time to find him/her self first, and then decide what he/she wants in their partner and accordingly move forward into a relationship. Otherwise, you will be giving someone false hope for a relationship that never should have happened and usually it's realized when both have invested a great deal into the relationship yet all of a sudden the feelings are not mutual. At that point, when you are at a different stage in your life as opposed to the 23-24 year old and it's a break up it is not a break. Now, if your in your early to mid 20's and your man states he wants a break or wants to break up you need to have a clear line of communication as to what he wants because you both may interpret the wrong thing. At that age, you can have a break in order for one or both to figure out what they really want in their life since you're still young. Once that is done, either you get back together or you guys are completely over, and this line can get a little blurry since at that age couples still try to be friends and hang out together. Regardless of what the decision is and even if you feel like your 30 and your man wants a break not a break up, you have to make sure that the lines of communication are crystal clear, and ladies, for once, to avoid extra heartache and drama, just be blunt and straightforward and ask if you're not sure "Are we taking a break or are we breaking up?" That is the fastest way to get the answer you deserve. Think of it as your mom ripping the band-aid off your knee really fast so it doesn't prolong the pain. This way both of you can go on with your lives after you've had your closure and allow that "one"to find you.  Remember, if God meant for you two to be together then you will be, leave it up to Him.

P.S. The definition of a beautiful woman is a happy woman and as long as you're happy anything is possible!

-Love is Amazing

Mom +Mother-in-Law +Weddings

Every girl dreams of her wedding day at one point in their life. Whether it's the dress or the flowers or the walking down the aisle; but what every girl doesn't dream about is the drama that comes with planning the wedding. Now if you didn't have drama when planning your wedding be thankful! As for the rest of the brides...this drama is normal. As hard as it is to accept this it is, beacause the moms (your mom and his mom) are only trying to help. After all, these two women who are driving you crazy carried you and your significant other for 9 months and stayed up with you when you were sick, slept by you when there were monsters under your bed. So it's very hard to tell your biggest supporter, the one person who always wants what's best for you, your best friend whom you can never lie to because she figures it out somehow and the first person who ever said "I Love You" to you to "Butt Out."
 Now what the moms tend to forget is that this is not their wedding, it is their kids wedding. They had their chance and regardless of whether they had their own wedding or not, it does not give them the right to make the decisions or force their opinions upon their kids. The moms want what's best for the kids but they need to realize that they did a wonderful job raising the soon to be married couple and all that will come into play at this time if they allow it to. They need to trust and listen to the kids and what they are saying.
 Another problem the engaged couple have with their parents is the money issue. I know different cultures have their own rules and regulations, for example if you're American the bride pays for the wedding traditionally or if your Armenian, the groom pays for the wedding, with a few exceptions, but regardless of who is paying, mom, dad, bride or groom that is not something which should be used as a bargaining tool for the parent(s) to get their way. If the parents want to pay, by all means, but that does not give mom the right to pick the colors of the bridesmaids, or the flowers or anything for that matter. Personally, I believe it should be the bride and groom tag teaming with the decisions(even if he doesn't care) and of course the moms and/or parents from both sides should be involved if they want to, but everyone just needs to remember who's wedding it really is.
So brides be patient. Usually if its the brides mom its easier for the bride to deal with her but if its the grooms mom remember, regardless of the situation, it's your fiance's mom and you should respect her and treat her just like you expect your fiance to respect and treat your mom. If it gets too out of control, depending on whose mother it is, you and/or your fiancé should sit and talk to that mom calmly explaining that she's being overbearing and hopefully she understands. Remember at the end all that matters is that you are marrying the love of your life! -Love is Amazing