Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The Sober Couple is Who Makes The Wedding Fun...

    Every couple wants their wedding to portray them and for everyone to have a wonderful time; whether that be dancing all night, drinking and mingling around the bar or just enjoying other guest's company. What a lot of couples are not aware of is that the atmosphere of the wedding depends on the newlyweds; allow me to explain myself.
 
    Majority of everyone who is at the event are there because they are happy for the couple and excited to celebrate their love. So when the bride and groom are ripping up the dance floor, it makes the guests want to dance as well, to celebrate with them. When you have a bride and groom who are MIA most of the night, the bride with her girlfriends the groom at the bar most of the time, regardless of what entertainment you have, the best dj or most expensive band, the event turns into a dinner people are attending and they don't enjoy themselves. The entertainment does not make the night, yes it has a pretty big role but it is the couple who make the night.  No guest wants to see a bride or a groom running around chasing their partner because they need to do their first dance or cut the cake. The couple should be together most of the night, not all of the night, most of the night. There is so much going on that you need to keep each other calm and make sure to enjoy what you have worked so many months and/or years for. Plus, if you need someone to run around and find your partner, have a bridal partner member do it, that way in case your partner does show up you're ready.

    I also agree that dancing is not for everyone, but on this day, make it more your thing than normal because it's one of the happiest days of your life. Leaving your partner on the dance floor to get wasted with your friends at the bar is not an option on this day. Not only does that look bad, but getting wasted at your wedding, in my opinion, is by far the worst decision ever. You spend so much money and time planning this elaborate event to celebrate your nuptials and make amazing memories, not remembering any or most of the day is not acceptable. It is the one time in your life where you should not get wasted. Don't misunderstand me, drink but don't lose all self control, unable to walk  and knock out before having to cut the cake leaving your partner alone the rest of the night, that is unacceptable.

   So, my best advice to all engaged couples is, enjoy your night, and if your OCD when it comes to planning and your wedding, hire a "Day of" planner, let them stress out for you, at least they would know how to fix a situation should it arise and you wouldn't have to leave the dance floor. Running around like a headless chicken on your wedding day trying to find your partner, the head waiter or the dj is not a job for the bride or groom. Enjoy your day so that your guests enjoy it as much as you do.

Monday, January 28, 2013

I'm Not A Sample Size!

         The time has finally come for you to go shopping for your dream dress but you're not too confident with yourself? Welcome to the majority of women and that's ok but only under certain conditions. In this country, you find very few women who are happy with their bodies and have no body image issues. For the rest of us, majority are not happy with at least one part of our body and that's ok as long as you don't let it run your life; Let me explain what I mean.

          Majority of women, including myself, are not a sample size, which is usually an 8, when it comes to wedding dresses because wedding dresses usually run small. We get to use those big clips in the back so we get an idea of what the dress will look like on us should be decide to buy it in our own size. Now yes, this can be a bit nerve wracking and stressful for some brides but the worst thing you can do is let it run your appointment. So the dress doesn't fit you or it wont go up your hips because you have curves, honestly get over it. We all have curves in different places and we need to accept this. Just because the dress didn't go up your hips doesn't mean you're fat, it means the designer just lost a possible sale. You can not allow your body image issues to run your bridal dress appointment. This will cause you to not have a dress with 3 months left for your wedding and you will end up buying  a dress you don't like because you were too busy having a pity party for yourself.

          Don't misunderstand me,  I'm not trying to be mean or insult anyone but ladies, it is what it is. If you are not a size 2, you are not going to be a size 2 just because you got engaged. Yes, you may lose a lot of weight and all the power to you, but you have to order your dress preferably 9 months prior to your wedding so you can deal with any issues that arise after the arrival of the dress. So if by then you're not a size 2 don't beat yourself up over it and ruin your bridal dress shopping experience. Find your dress, make sure you feel like a bride in it and it is all you have ever dreamed about and order it. By the time your dress comes, you have a few months to shed a few pounds if you please and the dress can be taken in. If you don't shed any pounds who cares? I am all about being healthy and looking good but your fiance didn't propose to you with the condition that you lose weight. He proposed to you because he loves you just the way you are and that's that. (Yes this line is cheesy but it's also true).

         Another thing brides do is order a dress a size smaller because they are going to lose the weight. DO NOT EVER do that please! It is much easier and logical to take in a dress as opposed to trying to take it out because its a lot more work and money. Based on the material and design and the beading of the dress you may not be able to take it out so don't even try ordering a smaller size. Order your current size and have it taken in. It will cost you less money, less time,  you won't be stressing about it and most importantly you will not look like a sausage in your wedding dress.

        So with all this being said, be calm cool and happy with yourself when you go bridal dress shopping so you can actually enjoy the experience. It's honestly a lot of fun! It's like playing dress-up when you were younger except now you're really a bride. So accept your body, go shopping and enjoy every minute of it!!  XX

Friday, January 25, 2013

Hire a Wedding Planner Your Budget Will Thank You

            The day (almost) every girl waits for has finally arrived, he has proposed and you are officially allowed to start planning your dream wedding. Now growing up we all have a vision of how we want to look on our wedding day, how we want our bridal party to look, the hall, the cake and so forth. What we do not realize is how much all of this actually costs. Weddings are not cheap and I think you need to initially sit down with your partner and set a logical budget which works for both of you as opposed to just swinging it. Yes, we all want our dream wedding but when it comes down to it, that may be a lot pricier than you thought.

             Weddings now a days can cost anywhere from 10,000 to 500,000+  depending on various things. Logically speaking, when the couple is paying for the wedding it is a little more difficult to go over budget as opposed to when the parents are paying for it because it's coming out of your pocket and that is totally  understandable ( to a certain extent in my book). What newly engaged couples do not realize is there are always alternatives to things you may want, a certain flower, a certain bridesmaid dress and in order to make it work within your budget you need to hire a planner.

              Step 1. Set a Budget - Sit down with your significant other and set a firm budget which you both can agree on and are comfortable with. Try to give your budget a little buffer zone as well because emergencies do happen and things do go wrong, it's normal but its better to be prepared for it than to stress about it. So say your maximum budget for the wedding is $25,000, tell yourselves your budget is around 22,000 so you have a 3,ooo buffer for emergencies. If you do not end up using that money stick it in your savings account.

              Step 2. Hire a Planner - The job of the planner is to keep the couple organized, on schedule, within budget and make sure they are stress free on their big day. Some of you may think, instead of spending $1,500-$3,000 for a "Day of" Planner I'll put it towards something else. That is true, but in the end you will be so grateful for having a planner you won't care about the money. This way you are carefree and you do not have your mother or mother in law running around stressing you out trying to find the chef because the hourdervs have run out. Now all planners have their own preferred vendors because these are people they work with year round for various occasions so couples need to use this to their advantage. This will be a big plus because all planners want their clients to be happy so they will do everything they can and pull whatever strings they can and/or want in some cases to keep the couple happy. At the end you will thank me for this suggestion.

             Step 3. Make a List/Schedule - Make a list of everything that needs to be done in chronological order. Start with the first things which need to be done and go from there. If you hire a full time planner, they will do this for you and give it to you, if you do not have one just go to www.theknot.com, sign up and they'll give you a list of what needs to be done by when. You may have to tweak it a bit but it helps keep you on schedule.

            Step 4. Don't Procrastinate- This is your WEDDING not your Term Paper don't procrastinate!! The ceremony and reception locations do not care if your "forgot" or "did not have time" to book them, because someone else remembered and now your date is gone! You HAVE  to stay on top of your To Do List like White on Rice. If you want your wedding done right you can not be lazy. I do not care where you have to go or what you have to do, book the ceremony & reception locations and the entertainment first thing and then you can go do whatever else it is you need to do. Now, if you have a planner, they will do all of this for you. You just give them a few dates you prefer and they try and make it happen, if favors need to be called in let them do it because they have the connections this time, not you.

            Step 5. The Dress - The most important thing (in my opinion). Every girl envisions themselves a certain way on their wedding day. Reality check ladies, it may not happen, but do not look at it as a bad thing. You may want a ball gown but when you try on the ball gown of your dreams it may not flatter you. You may look short, frumpy, heavy on top, etc...do not worry!! There is always a dress which will make you look fabulous just be open to trying on different styles. Just because you see yourself in a certain dress does not mean that dress will look good on you. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be open to trying on different styles when you go to look for your dress. Even if it is a style you do not like, try it on, you may be pleasantly surprised. Again, use the planner (if you have one) and the person at the wedding salon to help you in regards to which silhouettes will be more flattering for your body type. Do not be stubborn because if you are either you will not find a dress and leave upset and emotional until you accept the fact of which style looks good on you or you will buy a dress which is not flattering on you and once you get your pictures you will hate yourself for not listening. So try on different silhouettes, figure out which is most flattering, then find the design you like and voila you have your dress.

         Step 6. The Flowers -  This is my second most important item of the wedding after the dress. The flowers either make it or break it for me. Sometimes, couples do not spend too much on flowers and put the money elsewhere like in the budget for favors or invitations. Okay people this is my opinion and you may not like it but it's true: Flowers are important!!! I can not stress this enough. People think oh they will die who cares, or who looks at the flowers? Surprise everyone does. Where is you walking into a hall full of amazing centerpieces which change the entire room and give it this romantic beautiful glow as opposed to walking into a hall with flowers that look like you just picked them from a random garden and stuck it in a vase because someone told you you had to have flowers. First and foremost it makes the wedding look cheap. No one knows or cares that you put your flower budget into the favors because frankly, those favors will eventually be tossed or eaten so no justification there. Secondly you spend so much money on this wedding, regardless of what your budget is, you do not want people saying "Oh it was a cheap wedding or it was an ugly wedding." Everyone does it according to their budget but do not cut out your flower budget when that is the main thing that is going to make your ceremony and reception looks amazing and sometimes more "expensive" than it actually is. Flowers change a room so use it to your advantage. If they are too expensive, first off find a florist who will work with your budget and one who understands your vision. Secondly, do not use orchids and roses use wildflowers and different daisies and stock. You can make it work with your budget it's just a matter of wanting to and putting in the time.

           Step 7. The Photographer - The most important person in the room after the bride and groom that day. Yes he/she is and I will tell you why: Because you spend so much money on your dream wedding and you have absolutely nothing to show for it after the fact besides your dress because the tuxedo is probably rented. The ONLY thing you will have left from your wedding are your photographs and which you will cherish forever. These will be what your children and grandchildren admire when you tell stories, and what you show them when you talk about their cousins or aunts and uncles. So with that being said, make sure you love your photographer to pieces and you guys get along because he will be with your every second of the day (no joke). He/she may annoy the crap out of you at one point with all the pictures but just remind yourself, this is for you not for him so shut your mouth and smile for the birdie. There is nothing as good as getting amazing photos of your big day to remind you of it. So do a lot of  research on your photographer, make sure he takes the types of photos you want, action shots, candid etc and be comfortable with him.
  

          Step 8: Bridesmaids & Flower Girl Dresses - Remember what I said about your photographer? Keep it i mind because you don't want to have your maids looking like cotton candy walking down the aisle. If you make them look ugly your wedding pictures will be ruined and it would be all your fault. So first and foremost, don't try to make your maids look ugly so you look pretty (yes I've seen it it happens). Secondly, have two colors in mind for their dresses, in case one doesn't work out or the dress you like doesn't come in that color shade you have a back up. Thirdly, take your maids into consideration when picking the dress. Not everyone is a size 2, some girls are heavier on top some are heavier on the bottom, put yourself in their shoes and pick a dress accordingly. You don't want any of your girls feeling ugly or hating how they look because of you (that's not nice). Fourth, be open to suggestions and options. If a strapless dress doesn't work for all your girls, be open to the rest adding a strap or changing it to a one shoulder look because you want them to be comfortable. If your maids aren't comfortable they are not going to dance and have a good time and that is not fair to them. Fifth, do not let any of your maids run the show. It is your wedding, you're the boss, what you say goes. If they refuse to wear the dress you pick, try to convince them but if they're being too difficult and selfish give them an ultimatum, this time it's ok. This is your day, your dress, if she doesn't like it she can wear her own dress and arrive as a guest, it is not a fashion show and it is not her wedding so make that clear. Sixth, do not abuse your maids please. This has happened, just watch "Bridezillas" sometimes I think these women can't be real but they are. Seventh, if you are paying for the dresses, stay within budget, these dresses will never be worn again. If the girls are paying for their dresses ask them what price range they are comfortable with so no one has to go get a second job to be your bridesmaid. They are your bridesmaids not your slaves so treat them them as such and be respectful.  Keep your maids happy and they will keep you happy on your big day!

          Step 9: Invitations & Favors - The first thing they see about your wedding and the last thing they see. Both are important, invitations more than favors in my opinion but it can be a toss up. Your invitation gives the vibe of the wedding, is it outdoor, black tie, backyard boogie etc so be specific with what you chose but don't overdo it. The invitation is looked at twice, once when it is received and once on the day of for the addresses so don't spend too much money on it it's not worth it. Every bride wants an original invitation but only you will know it's an original, everybody else honesty won't care. Now I'm not saying send photocopied fliers, but just don't overdo it. Instead put that extra money towards your flowers.
          As for the favors, in my opinion they should have the smallest budget because they are going to be discarded after the wedding. Some people won't take it home, others will but will throw it away once they ask themselves what they're supposed to do with a frame of you two and the rest will hoard it somewhere in the house then throw it away 2 years later. A good idea is  chocolate as a favor or something which can be used everyday, a bottle stopper, or a mini alcoholic beverage or don't do anything at all. I've been to many weddings where to cut costs they didn't do a favor and honestly no one realized and we're Armenian we notice every single thing so if we didn't realize, no one else will either. It's a personal preference honestly but should be on the smaller scale of the budget.


I love attending and planning weddings but if the bride and groom are not having fun, the guests won't have fun either. So hire your planner and let him/her take care of everything as you dance the night away.

         

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Please Welcome Très Magnifique Productions

         It has come to my attention that most girl who get married either love and enjoy every minute of the planning aspect or they hate every minute of it and would never do it again. The ones who enjoy every minute also feel as though they can become a wedding planner after planning their own wedding. Based on many husbands I've spoken with this is a phase some new brides go through until they get a reality check and realize "Oh Shit, it's not that easy because it's not what I want but what the bride wants, and I am not the bride this time" and so it just goes into the "Oh well screw it bad idea" file.

           I, on the other hand, have never been married, but I have planned enough weddings for friends and family and attended enough (almost 100+ throughout my lifetime, 75 in the past 6 yrs approx) to know what goes into it and the personality and attitude required to make the business successful. Additionally, my obsession for fashion, flowers and planning events, which I must admit comes so pretty naturally, do help the situation so it just seemed like the perfect thing to do.

           So as you all know, almost a year ago I had knee surgery with complications (just my luck), ended up leaving my job  and recovery was taking a lot longer than expected which led me to be unemployed for almost 9 months. During this time, I attended all my events as normal (with a crutch and brace) and had a blast then with the encouragement of my fabulous friends and family decided to start my own event production company with my best friend who was in a similar situation as me.

           So approximately 6-7 months ago, after planning events for over 10 years for friends, non-profits & family, my best friend and I finally decided to join forces and put our expertise to a more profitable use by creating Tres Magnifique Productions. It is an event design & coordination company and yes, our name is french and it means "It's Magnificent," which is how we believe every event should be. Our goal is to get into the corporate sector a lot more than the wedding sector but I love weddings so much I can't just do the corporate sector. I don't know what it is but I think seeing two people on their wedding day truly in love is the greatest feeling in the world, so we will not be leaving the wedding sector ever. We also plan Baptisms, Birthdays, Anniversaries, Corporate events, Proposals, Engagements, Baby and Bridal showers and anything else you want us to plan!

             Since the  day we dropped our business into the real world, we have  had nothing but amazing support from our family and friends who gave us our first events to plan. We were beyond ecstatic and happy to plan these two events for both couples and honestly from the first day we knew this business was definitely our calling. Since then, events have been adding up which is great and we're always ready to take on new ones. We love working  with the different clients and bringing each one of their visions to life. It truly gives us so much happiness knowing we helped them make their vision a reality, you do not even know. Yes, it takes a great deal of patience and understanding and sometimes you need to bring yourself back to reality with a quick "This is what the client wants, let it go just make it happen" to yourself but it is all worth it in the end. People usually do not realize what goes on into planning an event until they have to do it themselves and after that they appreciate every aspect of the planner and what she/he has to say. So with that being said, to anyone  who needs a Wedding/Event planner, full day coordination, just design or "Day Of" Tres Magnifique Productions is here for you. Just give us a call and we will have everything organized and off your plate in no time!

          We truly love and adore every second of what we do and there is nothing in the world which makes us happier than a sarisfied client!

Amore XOXO

       

  

Monday, January 21, 2013

My Busted Knee & The Big Reality Check

So we all go through life facing challenges and often think selfishly"Why me?" Sometimes we get an answer, sometimes we do not but the entire time I feel as though this "Why me" mentality is a little too common amongst us, myself included; that is until I busted my knee and got a big reality check.

It was September 27, 2011 and I was at the gym after work as usual almost done with my elliptical when I felt a weird tug in my knee. Being the self diagnosing person that I am, I did not think much of it but I got off the machine and decided to call it a day.

At home I had pain, ignored it, elevated it in bed assuming I just pulled a muscle and took some Advil. I woke up in the morning to a swollen knee which got worse and worse as the day went by until my entire leg was swollen. Finally, I accepted the fact that something was wrong, went to the doctor, got crutches, nothing was broken but I needed an MRI. Finally a week later, which felt like eternity since I was on crutches, we officially knew I had torn my medial meniscus. Just what I needed in my life, another piece of drama to deal with. So I went for a second opinion and when the doctor said "Nora, I've never seen anyone so young tear their meniscus so bad, you really fucked it up" I knew it was serious. Considering my doctor was also worked for the LA Sparks, the LA Kings and the LA Lakers, I knew it was serious. I had two options, live with the pain for the rest of my life or surgery. We decided on the latter but needed 6-8 weeks to get the water out of my leg because they could not operate with it being so swollen. So we set surgery for Nov 18, 2011 and I was given Motrin 3x a day for the swelling to go down.

I worked until 3 days prior to surgery, training the person who was going to take over my position until I got back, and at my last visit to the doctor 3 days prior to surgery he put me on bed rest because the swelling had not gone down as much as it should have. My bosses got upset, it's natural they milk you til you're dry but I had no choice. So I had surgery on the 19th and my recovery was supposed to be until January 24, 2012, but my bosses didn't like that so I left my job.

Now I was still wallowing in self pity when I finally realized that everything does happen for a reason. God did not make me bust my knee just because He was bored, it was to teach me a lesson I still had not learned. Thinking back now I am sure He tried numerous times, I was too stubborn. So with that being said and some complications on the way it was September 2012 and I was still in recovery going to physical therapy 3x a week. My PT's were my new best friends who new everything that was going on in my life, that was the "going to work" portion  of my day which was pretty fun; but I finally got to the point where I thought it has to end, enough I need a job.

After 3 months of job searching I finally found a fabulous law firm in downtown LA where I currently work at but I learned so much this past year that it is truly unbelievable.

1. Everything happens for a reason: Whether you want to accept it or not, it does, whether it is to teach you a lesson, which was my case, or to just give you a realization you never had before there is a reason, you will figure it out eventually.

2. Put yourself first: It is great to care about all the people you love and can't live without, but you need to take care of yourself first, then everyone else; because if you get sick or hurt who is going to take care of you? Let's be real, it is times like this where you get the reality check of who your true friends are and cares about you the most; and let me tell you the list will shock you because it won't be who you expect it to be (Friends wise).

3. Treat your body like a temple: Your body is your temple and you only have one body. If you do not take care of it, no one else is going to do it for you. So if you hurt yourself and the doctor says off your leg for 2 weeks, stay off it and don't play Superman/Superwoman, there's a reason the doctor said 2 weeks and not 2 days. A lot of injuries can last much longer if you don't take care of it the first time and you don't want to be a 35 year old with a bad ankle who can't wear heels because you walked on your ankle before you were supposed to because you "felt fine."

4. Don't Be Negative: Never ever ever be negative for two reasons: 1. It could always be worse and
2. There is always someone out there who has it worse than you do. There is always a solution to a problem, you may not like the said solution, but there is one. You need to accept the negative then automatically look at the positive. Being positive keeps you strong, the positive energy around you will be beyond helpful especially for your mental state and you will go nowhere by being negative except to the gutter so get over it and find a solution, if you need help ask for it. Getting encouragement or strength from friends and family is always a positive thing and it will give you the courage to actually do what it is you need to do.

5. Accept the Support of Family & Friends: Family and friends are not only there to celebrate the good days with you, they are there to help you through the bad as well. There is nothing wrong with asking someone for advice on a situation or help with a problem. Your support system is a lot more important than you think and if they did not want to help you they would not be a part of your life. Accept the help and move on, it will make you feel good by finding a solution or just venting to someone and getting their opinion; but it will help the other person as well by making them feel that they were helpful to you. It works both ways so don't be ashamed, use your support system because one day they will need you.

Hope all this was as helpful to you as it has been to me lately. There is always a lot more where this came from but I'm going to save that for another blog.

Always remember: No Regrets!! Only Experiences and Memories!!



Love is Amazing ~~

Monday, February 6, 2012

To Divorce or Not to Divorce



Nowadays it seems like divorce is the new fad and it's the only option people have when things between them are not working out. From a woman's perspective, I'm glad we do not live in our grandparents or great grandparents era where, at least in the middle east, it was a "suck it up" attitude. If a wife was not happy with her husband too bad she was stuck with him and the fact that she did not chose him was not even a justification as to why things were not working. You committed yourself to the man so now you deal with all the good and all the bad regardless. Thankfully, things have changed just like people's mentalities and arranged marriages are not in our futures, but that does not give us the right to use divorce as an "out" at any moment we choose.

Relationships nowadays are hard as is, just meeting someone who you actually have interests with whom you can get along with and enjoy their company is a bigger challenge than ever, so when I hear that the divorce rate is so high it really bothers me. Maybe it bothers me because my parents are divorced and I went through all the drama that comes with the divorce and I do not want kids to go through that, maybe it bothers me because I can not stand people who expect everything to work out on its own without them putting any effort into it or maybe it bothers me because I love love. Yes, I am the biggest cheerleader for love you will ever find. I think everyone in their life has to have that amazing, mad, passionate, "The world is mine" feeling because of someone and personally I will not allow any of my friends and loved to give up on it. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm a hopeless romantic but I am what I am and I love it! So it hurts me when I hear a couple is getting a divorce because I feel as though marriage has in some way, become similar to a sexy pair of shoes you have to have then after a season your tired of it and it's out of fashion and you stop wearing them and that's not what it is. Now I may be wrong because I'm not married and I know marriage is beyond hard work; trying to fit two personalities, two lifestyles, two lives into one is extremely difficult but that's what marriage is. It's about give and take, learning the other person's flaws and accepting them for who they are and not who you would like them to be, it's about learning to love their quirks and bad sides just as much as you love the good things and being able to deal with them. Marriage is about you and your other half becoming one and having that life partner to help you through the bad times and to celebrate with you during the good times. If you can not accept the idea of sharing your life, which includes your closet, refrigerator, tv, bed, space and everything  else you can think of, then you should not get married. If you feel as though there are things in your life that you have missed out on, partying, clubbing, getting sloshed and ending up on the floor in the middle of a club or whatever it is you wish to do, please get it all out of your system and then get married instead of having a mid-life crisis at the age of 32.

I know when we were younger everyone, including myself, had this plan of getting married by 24, kids by 26, along with a nice home, a great job and a wonderful husband and starting your life and creating your own family. Then it was our 24th birthday and we were like "What was I thinking? Married at 24? I'm just starting my life." So that plan went out the window and we all got a good reality check which showed us we can not plan everything in life, and we should let life take its course. Whatever God has planned for us will happen when it's supposed to happen. So instead of being married at a young age and possibly being unhappy in a marriage and part of the new divorce rate, because God knows I personally have changed a great deal between 24 and 29, we established our careers, learned about ourselves and are finally content with where we are in life. Granted, we could have been happily married as well, but it is what it is.

So throughout the years, as my friends and family get married it makes me realize how hard a marriage actually  is. All the give and take, the agreements and disagreements and the conforming which has to take place in order for a marriage to work is difficult and it takes two people who are on the same page to actually make it work. Look, in my opinion unless there is a major issue, such as one of the partners has a gambling issue or is an uncontrollable alcoholic or an extreme which affects you, your relationship and your family in a very negative way and that person is not doing anything about it, there is a solution to everything else. Cheating is a whole other story in itself, so we're not even going there; but with all that being said I think divorce should be the last resort. Every couple has issues and problems every couple has disagreements but  with both of you working together there is nothing you can not figure out. I think as long as the couple is on the same page and they understand and communicate properly, meaning they have verbal communication and they do not expect their significant other to read their mind, then there is nothing you can not handle. Understand where the other one is coming from, put yourself in their shoes, then see if you can find a middle ground and figure out a solution to the problem.  Go to couple's counseling, talk to a mutual friend whom you both trust to give you advice but do not give up easily. When there is love on both sides, there is nothing you would not do for the other and there is no problem you would not be able to solve together as a team; and that amazing "Over the moon" love is even harder to get rid of then it is to find. So divorce is not always the solution, it may, at one point, become the only solution, but its should be the last solution.

Love is amazing!!

P.S. The only thing more beautiful and wonderful than Young Love is Old Love


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Just a Break or Break Up?

The words people dread hearing but one out of two say it anyways "We need a break" or "It's Over." The problem is when us women start over analyzing these words when we're not the ones who said it (which we do oh so well, including myself) and they become a bit confusing and/or misconstrued. Here is where it gets a little tricky.
The difference about men that women don't know or understand is that men are very simple, its either black or white, there is rarely any gray areas with men. What he thinks and feels comes straight out of his mouth, after it passes through a small filter, which we sometimes wish was bigger. An example of this is during the holidays he asks you "Babe what should I get you for Christmas?" You respond with "Nothing babe," but what you really mean is "Weren't you paying attention when I showed you that new purse when we were at the mall last week?" Honestly ladies, he probably didn't and you can't really blame him because that how men are wired and why you end up with a card or nothing during Christmas because you didn't want anything. Now us women, we over analyze a situation, we think about the consequences, hurting his feelings, we word our phrases accordingly and so forth; men don't do that because to them it's a waste of time. Their mentality is just say what you mean and life would be much easier, which in a sense is true, but were women and that is why we are supposed to be the "caretakers" and they are supposed to be the "bread winners".
With that being said, words being misinterpreted or misconstrued are inevitable, but it's worse when its a break up situation. If, assuming he's breaking up with you, he doesn't clearly explain what he wants, i.e. breaking up and says "We need a break" then if she texts or calls him at any point, she turns into the "Crazy, psychotic girlfriend who won't leave him alone," because according to her "They're on a break" and she still has hope they're getting back together, but what he meant was he wants to break up and that word game is what's difficult. One thing that every person should remember is that in a relationship, communication is key! It doesn't matter how many times you talk or text each other during the day, if you do not communicate clearly what you want him to understand and vice versa, then it's more than likely going to be misunderstood.
Breaking up, in general, is a difficult situation on both ends, because regardless of who is doing it, they may still care about the other person, they are just not in love with him/her. Now, I believe, age plays a very large role in this situation, let me explain why.
When you are in your early to mid 20's, having a boyfriend is not necessarily for your future. It may lead to something later on, but at that age you are having fun and still figuring out what you want in life and trying to figure out what makes you happy.  As we get older, women stop dating for fun as much as they used to and life turns into "Serious mode." Meaning, they are looking for a life partner, someone to have kids with and/or marry and God willing someone to spend the rest of their lives with. Now, when your 30 years old and you have been dating someone for a while and you think there's a future, then they suddenly he break up with you, that is not a situation where you two are taking a break. At that age, if you and/or your partner do not know what you want in your significant other, then that person needs to take time to find him/her self first, and then decide what he/she wants in their partner and accordingly move forward into a relationship. Otherwise, you will be giving someone false hope for a relationship that never should have happened and usually it's realized when both have invested a great deal into the relationship yet all of a sudden the feelings are not mutual. At that point, when you are at a different stage in your life as opposed to the 23-24 year old and it's a break up it is not a break. Now, if your in your early to mid 20's and your man states he wants a break or wants to break up you need to have a clear line of communication as to what he wants because you both may interpret the wrong thing. At that age, you can have a break in order for one or both to figure out what they really want in their life since you're still young. Once that is done, either you get back together or you guys are completely over, and this line can get a little blurry since at that age couples still try to be friends and hang out together. Regardless of what the decision is and even if you feel like your 30 and your man wants a break not a break up, you have to make sure that the lines of communication are crystal clear, and ladies, for once, to avoid extra heartache and drama, just be blunt and straightforward and ask if you're not sure "Are we taking a break or are we breaking up?" That is the fastest way to get the answer you deserve. Think of it as your mom ripping the band-aid off your knee really fast so it doesn't prolong the pain. This way both of you can go on with your lives after you've had your closure and allow that "one"to find you.  Remember, if God meant for you two to be together then you will be, leave it up to Him.

P.S. The definition of a beautiful woman is a happy woman and as long as you're happy anything is possible!

-Love is Amazing